At times, we all reminisce over the old days. A slight for of nostalgia if you'd call it that. And in that point of time, we actually have to go back to those days. A place, an item, a memory. It gives us a feel of security, like that old blanket you carried around when you were young. We go back to those dreams and feelings, like we never dumped them in the dirt as we grew older. We go back to being happy; no worries, no cares. Everything was more simple back then. 2 + 2 = 4, crayons mattered, coke was a type of soda. Sometimes we miss the old days; we just want things to be simply again.

As we yearn for our past, we must accept those mistakes we call life.

Do you believe people should chase after love?

I do not think people should chase down the person they love. That person does not love them, so they never will. You also can't force a person to love you, its has to come naturally. I guess we all have that part in our heart that says, "maybe they will love me, it'll just take time." I don't blame us, being raised off perfect ending fairy-tales and how your prince charming will eventually come. But we also have that little part in our hearts wondering if Prince Charming will come or if we'll be living forever alone.

We all know these fairy tales where the handsome prince chases down the beautiful maidens and they fall in love. Stories like these corrupt our heads, saying that love stories do happen. They make us dream of sugar plums and fairies when in reality, love is shabby and dark. That's why when we love people and they break our hearts, they really break our hearts. We all expect a happy ending, just life fairy tales, and when we get let down because of expectations- it kills us.

I got asked to show a 5 year old Dutch Warmblood this show season. I've ridden her for the past month and everything has been perfect. We get to the show and I get on her because we're the first 5 classes of the morning. She was okay-- fast, quick. We get into the show arena and as soon as I get across the diagonal and ask for the left lead, she picks up the right. Its like 210% more difficult to get the wrong lead on her. What a great start...

First jump was the single brushbox going down. Got to a tight distance but it was acceptable. Got to the corner and asked for a change. All I got? Popping her right shoulder out. So she trotted to fix it. Got around the corner and headed to the single oxer going up. She threw her head up into the air and pretty much dragged me to the base of the jump. Next was the line in 4 strides going down. Now Paris has about a 13-14ft stride, and for being 15 hands tall, that's pretty amazing.

Long spot in, she dragged me out. Its funny the moment you realize you might get 3 strides in a 4 stride line. Pretty much pulling on her face to get her to close her stride just a hair. Up the diagonal, which wasn't pretty. Down the judge's line which also wasn't pretty.

The rest of our day went like this, just add not getting changes.

After the show,
I've just been doubting myself.
Am I really a good rider?
Why did she ask me to ride Paris?
I can't even f-ing canter a course without mistakes.


What's my point on earth?
My life doesn't matter.
I always find it funny when people say, "your life matters."
because, truth is,
it doesnt.
Sure, it does to the people around you.
But half-way around the world,
people don't know who you are.

I just want to ride a fucking horse and forget about the entire fucking world.

Reasonable Expectations

Expectations

So, last Saturday, I had a lesson on Ilean.

This isn't a big shock to people,

but most of you don't know that I told her owner that it would be my last month with her.
Tacking up that day,

I was preparing myself for the fights we usually have.

But I also made a promise to myself,

I wouldn't do anything to make it a bad ride.
So I got on,
and you know what?

It was an amazing ride.
The first great ride in months.
I never lost my mind.
I didn't care if we where perfect or not.
This was my last ride,
I had to make it count.

And when Ilean looked back at me before she stepped in the trailer,
I knew we left on good terms.
I will miss her,
But we didn't belong with each other.

:)

Done

"Its like you're screaming,
but no one can hear you."

I'm done.
I'm done with highschool.
I'm done with drama.
I'm done with those people that think they know everything.
I'm done with the bullying.

Highschool is the time to reach out,
try different things.
No one should be judged.
No one should be embarrassed.

Do what you want.
Be who you are.


Because we only have a few precious years before we have to be grown-ups.

"So what if it hurts me,
so what if I break down.
So what if this world just throws me off the edge,
my feet run out of ground.
I gotta find my place,
I wanna hear my sound.
Don't care about all the pain in front of me,
'cause I'm just trying to be happy."

(by the way, I've created a tumblr! http://sittingtrot.tumblr.com/)

Dreams

"This is your life. Do what you love. And do it often. If you don't like something, change it. If you don't like your job, quit it. If you don't have enough time, stop watching tv. If you are looking for the love of your life, stop. They will be waiting for you when you start doing things you love. Stop over analyzing. life is simple. All emotions are beautiful. When you eat, appreciate every last bite. Open your mind, arms, and heart to new things and people. We are united in our differences. Ask the next person you see what their passion is, and share your inspiring dream with them. Travel often; getting lost will help you find yourself. Some opportunities only come once; seize them. Life is about the people you meet and the things your create with them, so go out and start creating. Live your dream and wear your passion.

Life is short."


Life is short. Take every chance and every opportunity you got; they might lead to some place even more amazing then what you're imagining.You have to go out there and throw yourself under a bus (metaphorically speaking, please do not actually do that.) Before the better, it will get worse! Much worse! You're going to want to quit, give up, throw in the towel. But if you don't, things will be wonderful!

My mom tells me that my dream will never happen. I will never go to the Maclay Finals. I will never be that good, have that expensive of a horse, or have the money to go.  But I've met enough people that haven't followed their dreams and they all regret it. I have 2 more years to compete in Finals, so why not start now? I'm willing to throw myself under that bus, and I'm ready to break every bone in my body. But in the end: I'll be happy. I might not make it to Finals, but you bet I'll be darn happy if I get to even compete in the Nationals.

Leap Of Faith

Faith (noun)
Complete trust or confidence in someone or something.

"Take that leap of faith.

Walk out on the ledge

Lay aside your doubts

Stand right on the edge

Wave my fears goodbye"

Blow apart dandelions.
Jump into that freezing pool.
Talk to your crush.
Eat different food.
Do different things.
Do something spontaneous.






(Finals this week, ankle has been hurting badly, no time to write, no inspiration D: )


And now be entertained with a photo:

Life

Life (noun)

The condition that distinguishes animals and plants from inorganic matter, including the capacity for growth, reproduction, functional activity, and continual change preceding death

Life

is a demon,

an angel.

it can throw you down,

or push you up.

It tests the strongest of ropes,
and breaks the weak ones.

Be ready children,

when life starts.

My life?

Its pretty good,

this past hour has made up for the entire start of 2012.

Life likes me right now.

Change

Change (noun)

The act or instance of making or becoming different.

Change.

Love it,

embrace it,

make it part of the family.
But whatever you do,

don't push it away.

Accept it,

because change is part of life.

You can either take change like it is,

or watch it leave out to door.

Now, most people are afraid of change.

But what are they really afraid of?

Because it sure isn't change itself.

It might be that thought in the back of your mind,

"they might hate me."

"i could make them angry."

Or that feeling of guilt after you tell someone something.

But whatever people are afraid of,

it isn't change itself.

Change will be coming to my life very soon,

if not already.

But I'm not going to push it away,

I'm gonna put on my big-girl pants;

buckle my seatbelt.

'Cause this is sure going to be one hell of a ride.

The Challenge

I challenge you this:

For the next week,

smile at every stranger you see and make eye contact with.

Who knows?

It could change someone's day.

(sorry for such a short post, english this week has been sucking all my inspiration out of me. we don't need to learn about poetry anyway >.<)

Bucket List

I'll add on to this :) check out The Buried Life, they're pretty awesome!

My List:
1. Find the tunnel that leads to Area 51
2. Learn to play the guitar
3. Pay for a stranger's groceries
4. Find a BigFoot
5. Swim with sharks
6. Go dog-sledding/compete
7. Fly
8. Drive from the east coast, to the west coast, down to mexico, and to south africa
9. Race Horses
10. Ride a bull
11. Exercise a famous race horse
12. Write (and publish) a book
13. Write a newspaper article for a major newspaper
14. Dance with Oprah
15. Meet the president
16. Learn to sniper
17. Become a million-air
18. Build (ad make at least $50) on a lemonade stand
19. Skype with a celebrity

Writer's Block

The moment when you can't write.
Can't type.
You have nothing inside your head.
Well,
You do have things inside your head.
Thoughts,
Dreams.
But you just can't put them into words.
Or you can,
but the words you choose,
are weird.
They don't quiet explain the situation,
or dream.
It seems I had writer's block
before writing about writer's block.
Ironic,
Isn't it?

"Know that the past was the past
this year isn't the same as the last
and that this year is for new experiences
we're all living for the future that we don't know
but what makes it worth looking forward to is just that; 
we don't know anything 
living forward is the acceptance of new things, new experiences and letting go
there's no use in comparing anything to the past
live forwards, not in reverse loves. 
because time stops for absolutely no one. 
and we're too young to want it to stop. "


--ilovemyhorsemagic

Resolution

Resolution (noun)

2. a resolve or determination

New years eve comes and goes, 

and what is on some people's minds?

Resolutions.

"I want to lose       pounds."

"I want to start eating right."

"I want to work on bending and lead changes with my horse."

But what's in a resolution?

Is it for us to look good?

Show off what we have?

My resolution?

I don't have one.

Live life every day.

Take it one day at a time.

Let go of things,

don't get to uptight.

"Do you feel cold and lost in desperation?

You build up hope but failure's all you've known
Remember all the sadness and frustration
And let it go
Let it go"

So this year,

don't make a resolution about weight,

but make it about letting go.

Of loved ones,

of grudges,

of people you aren't over.

Let go and trust me,

you'll life will be 100x happier.

 :)

Destiny

Destiny (noun)

a) something to which a person or thing is destined

Everyone has their own destiny.

Each path that you take is another bend in the road.

Another bend in a huge road.

And you can screw your destiny up,

by one bad choice.

One bad decision.

It could ruin your life.

You have to find your destiny.
Its just not standing there,

clear as day.

Its actually clear as mud.

You will have people that will fight you,

love you,

hurt you.

And sometimes,

we don't know these people are part of our destiny.

I am me.

I am:

opinionated.

bossy.

shovey.

obsessive.

depressed.

And I will not change,

for any one person.

I will push them down,

and move on with my life.

You are one voice,

in 7 billion people.

I don't have to stick around for you.

There are 7 billion other fish in the sea.

Soul

Soul (noun)

a : the moral and emotional nature of human beings
b : the quality that arouses emotion and sentiment
c : spiritual or moral force

Soul searching.

Everyone does it.

Some seek it more than others.

Some are stuck with a problem in their life,

and they have to go away for days,

weeks,

months,

years.

And what they do in those hours?

Soul search.

Now, no one knows the place where we go to search.

Everyone has a different place.

For me?

Its the barn.

I don't know what it is,

but sitting on the back of a horse,

that's 1200 pounds heavier than you are,

is....amazing.

This is my soul searching.

"Everyday I fight for

All my future somethings
A thousand little wars
I have to choose between
I could spend a lifetime
Earning things that I don't need
But, that's like chasing rainbows
And coming home empty"
-Strip Me (Natasha Bedingfield) sung by Gavin Mikhail

Perfection

Perfection (Noun)

The state or quality of being or becoming perfect.

Perfection.

Everyone strives for it.

Some people deny it,

others welcome it with open arms.

I'm the type of person who wants perfection.

And I get frustrated when I can't achieve it.

Like today, for example.

I gave up.

I threw in the towel.

I put my hands up in the air.

I went into that arena, and longed Ilean.

I couldn't take it anymore.

I got frustrated.

Now, many things contributed to that,

but the first one was perfection.

I wasn't perfect.

And it killed me.

But at the end of your ride,

when your horse is in the crossties,

you have to look them in the eye and say:

"Ilean (insert name here), you are perfect. Its just my fault."