At times, we all reminisce over the old days. A slight for of nostalgia if you'd call it that. And in that point of time, we actually have to go back to those days. A place, an item, a memory. It gives us a feel of security, like that old blanket you carried around when you were young. We go back to those dreams and feelings, like we never dumped them in the dirt as we grew older. We go back to being happy; no worries, no cares. Everything was more simple back then. 2 + 2 = 4, crayons mattered, coke was a type of soda. Sometimes we miss the old days; we just want things to be simply again.

As we yearn for our past, we must accept those mistakes we call life.

Do you believe people should chase after love?

I do not think people should chase down the person they love. That person does not love them, so they never will. You also can't force a person to love you, its has to come naturally. I guess we all have that part in our heart that says, "maybe they will love me, it'll just take time." I don't blame us, being raised off perfect ending fairy-tales and how your prince charming will eventually come. But we also have that little part in our hearts wondering if Prince Charming will come or if we'll be living forever alone.

We all know these fairy tales where the handsome prince chases down the beautiful maidens and they fall in love. Stories like these corrupt our heads, saying that love stories do happen. They make us dream of sugar plums and fairies when in reality, love is shabby and dark. That's why when we love people and they break our hearts, they really break our hearts. We all expect a happy ending, just life fairy tales, and when we get let down because of expectations- it kills us.

I got asked to show a 5 year old Dutch Warmblood this show season. I've ridden her for the past month and everything has been perfect. We get to the show and I get on her because we're the first 5 classes of the morning. She was okay-- fast, quick. We get into the show arena and as soon as I get across the diagonal and ask for the left lead, she picks up the right. Its like 210% more difficult to get the wrong lead on her. What a great start...

First jump was the single brushbox going down. Got to a tight distance but it was acceptable. Got to the corner and asked for a change. All I got? Popping her right shoulder out. So she trotted to fix it. Got around the corner and headed to the single oxer going up. She threw her head up into the air and pretty much dragged me to the base of the jump. Next was the line in 4 strides going down. Now Paris has about a 13-14ft stride, and for being 15 hands tall, that's pretty amazing.

Long spot in, she dragged me out. Its funny the moment you realize you might get 3 strides in a 4 stride line. Pretty much pulling on her face to get her to close her stride just a hair. Up the diagonal, which wasn't pretty. Down the judge's line which also wasn't pretty.

The rest of our day went like this, just add not getting changes.

After the show,
I've just been doubting myself.
Am I really a good rider?
Why did she ask me to ride Paris?
I can't even f-ing canter a course without mistakes.


What's my point on earth?
My life doesn't matter.
I always find it funny when people say, "your life matters."
because, truth is,
it doesnt.
Sure, it does to the people around you.
But half-way around the world,
people don't know who you are.

I just want to ride a fucking horse and forget about the entire fucking world.

Reasonable Expectations

Expectations

So, last Saturday, I had a lesson on Ilean.

This isn't a big shock to people,

but most of you don't know that I told her owner that it would be my last month with her.
Tacking up that day,

I was preparing myself for the fights we usually have.

But I also made a promise to myself,

I wouldn't do anything to make it a bad ride.
So I got on,
and you know what?

It was an amazing ride.
The first great ride in months.
I never lost my mind.
I didn't care if we where perfect or not.
This was my last ride,
I had to make it count.

And when Ilean looked back at me before she stepped in the trailer,
I knew we left on good terms.
I will miss her,
But we didn't belong with each other.

:)

Done

"Its like you're screaming,
but no one can hear you."

I'm done.
I'm done with highschool.
I'm done with drama.
I'm done with those people that think they know everything.
I'm done with the bullying.

Highschool is the time to reach out,
try different things.
No one should be judged.
No one should be embarrassed.

Do what you want.
Be who you are.


Because we only have a few precious years before we have to be grown-ups.

"So what if it hurts me,
so what if I break down.
So what if this world just throws me off the edge,
my feet run out of ground.
I gotta find my place,
I wanna hear my sound.
Don't care about all the pain in front of me,
'cause I'm just trying to be happy."

(by the way, I've created a tumblr! http://sittingtrot.tumblr.com/)

Dreams

"This is your life. Do what you love. And do it often. If you don't like something, change it. If you don't like your job, quit it. If you don't have enough time, stop watching tv. If you are looking for the love of your life, stop. They will be waiting for you when you start doing things you love. Stop over analyzing. life is simple. All emotions are beautiful. When you eat, appreciate every last bite. Open your mind, arms, and heart to new things and people. We are united in our differences. Ask the next person you see what their passion is, and share your inspiring dream with them. Travel often; getting lost will help you find yourself. Some opportunities only come once; seize them. Life is about the people you meet and the things your create with them, so go out and start creating. Live your dream and wear your passion.

Life is short."


Life is short. Take every chance and every opportunity you got; they might lead to some place even more amazing then what you're imagining.You have to go out there and throw yourself under a bus (metaphorically speaking, please do not actually do that.) Before the better, it will get worse! Much worse! You're going to want to quit, give up, throw in the towel. But if you don't, things will be wonderful!

My mom tells me that my dream will never happen. I will never go to the Maclay Finals. I will never be that good, have that expensive of a horse, or have the money to go.  But I've met enough people that haven't followed their dreams and they all regret it. I have 2 more years to compete in Finals, so why not start now? I'm willing to throw myself under that bus, and I'm ready to break every bone in my body. But in the end: I'll be happy. I might not make it to Finals, but you bet I'll be darn happy if I get to even compete in the Nationals.

Leap Of Faith

Faith (noun)
Complete trust or confidence in someone or something.

"Take that leap of faith.

Walk out on the ledge

Lay aside your doubts

Stand right on the edge

Wave my fears goodbye"

Blow apart dandelions.
Jump into that freezing pool.
Talk to your crush.
Eat different food.
Do different things.
Do something spontaneous.






(Finals this week, ankle has been hurting badly, no time to write, no inspiration D: )


And now be entertained with a photo: