At times, we all reminisce over the old days. A slight for of nostalgia if you'd call it that. And in that point of time, we actually have to go back to those days. A place, an item, a memory. It gives us a feel of security, like that old blanket you carried around when you were young. We go back to those dreams and feelings, like we never dumped them in the dirt as we grew older. We go back to being happy; no worries, no cares. Everything was more simple back then. 2 + 2 = 4, crayons mattered, coke was a type of soda. Sometimes we miss the old days; we just want things to be simply again.

As we yearn for our past, we must accept those mistakes we call life.

Do you believe people should chase after love?

I do not think people should chase down the person they love. That person does not love them, so they never will. You also can't force a person to love you, its has to come naturally. I guess we all have that part in our heart that says, "maybe they will love me, it'll just take time." I don't blame us, being raised off perfect ending fairy-tales and how your prince charming will eventually come. But we also have that little part in our hearts wondering if Prince Charming will come or if we'll be living forever alone.

We all know these fairy tales where the handsome prince chases down the beautiful maidens and they fall in love. Stories like these corrupt our heads, saying that love stories do happen. They make us dream of sugar plums and fairies when in reality, love is shabby and dark. That's why when we love people and they break our hearts, they really break our hearts. We all expect a happy ending, just life fairy tales, and when we get let down because of expectations- it kills us.

I got asked to show a 5 year old Dutch Warmblood this show season. I've ridden her for the past month and everything has been perfect. We get to the show and I get on her because we're the first 5 classes of the morning. She was okay-- fast, quick. We get into the show arena and as soon as I get across the diagonal and ask for the left lead, she picks up the right. Its like 210% more difficult to get the wrong lead on her. What a great start...

First jump was the single brushbox going down. Got to a tight distance but it was acceptable. Got to the corner and asked for a change. All I got? Popping her right shoulder out. So she trotted to fix it. Got around the corner and headed to the single oxer going up. She threw her head up into the air and pretty much dragged me to the base of the jump. Next was the line in 4 strides going down. Now Paris has about a 13-14ft stride, and for being 15 hands tall, that's pretty amazing.

Long spot in, she dragged me out. Its funny the moment you realize you might get 3 strides in a 4 stride line. Pretty much pulling on her face to get her to close her stride just a hair. Up the diagonal, which wasn't pretty. Down the judge's line which also wasn't pretty.

The rest of our day went like this, just add not getting changes.

After the show,
I've just been doubting myself.
Am I really a good rider?
Why did she ask me to ride Paris?
I can't even f-ing canter a course without mistakes.


What's my point on earth?
My life doesn't matter.
I always find it funny when people say, "your life matters."
because, truth is,
it doesnt.
Sure, it does to the people around you.
But half-way around the world,
people don't know who you are.

I just want to ride a fucking horse and forget about the entire fucking world.